When Children Witness Domestic Violence

KEY POINTS

• Domestic violence is a terrifying and deeply felt experience for children.
• Children under the age of six have a higher likelihood of witnessing domestic violence.
• Domestic violence can affect brain development and psychosocial development.
• Other important adults in a child’s life can provide support and aid recovery.

Domestic violence shatters the safety and refuge of home, making it a fearful place for any child who witnesses it. Children who see and hear violence experience it with their entire being—their senses, their emotions, their thoughts, and their bodies. Seeing violence up close between the people they love and depend on has a long-lasting impact on emotional and brain development, as well as on attachment and future relationships.

The Scope of the Problem

Domestic violence, or intimate partner violence (IPV), is an all-too-prevalent social problem in the United States. Researchers report that up to 25% of children are exposed to IPV during childhood, and many experience it for the first time as infants or toddlers. Children under the age of six are at a higher risk of exposure than older children.

The Impact on Development

Our capacity to regulate emotions and manage stress develops out of repeatedly finding comfort and safety in the relationship with a parent or caregiver. In situations of domestic violence, the adults are either delivering the violence or receiving it, leaving children essentially alone with overwhelming stress.

One man, Solomon, recalled his earliest memories being of his parents fighting at age three or four. “It was very frightening,” he said. “They’re yelling, throwing things… One time when I was a little older, it got so bad that I called the police… and my father got arrested. The physical abuse of my mother stopped, but the psychological and verbal abuse never did.”

Experiences like Solomon’s jar the stress response system. The emotional aloneness creates a deep longing for care and understanding, which can sometimes lead youth toward negative influences or criminal activities as a way to find relief and expression.

Long-term Physical and Mental Effects

Children exposed to domestic violence are at increased risk for major mental health problems, including:

• PTSD
• Anxiety and depression
• Substance abuse
• Declines in educational performance
  
  

The underlying cause is often the impact of IPV exposure on the development of the brain. Increased levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) can also affect cognitive development and memory.

Visible vs. Hidden Distress

Some infants and young children show difficulties immediately through:

• Altered patterns of sleep or eating
• Night terrors
• Bedwetting
• Behavioral problems
  
  

For others, however, the distress goes “underground.” These children may appear on the outside to be managing the tasks of childhood perfectly well.

For example, a woman named Misty witnessed extreme violence throughout her childhood, including seeing her mother beaten and her aunt fatally shot. Despite these terrifying experiences, Misty remained a good student and was active in sports. It was only when she reached adulthood and began romantic relationships that her difficulties emerged. She found herself drawn to partners who mirrored the violent figures from her past, leading to a cycle of crime and cruelty.

The Path to Healing

Not every child who experiences domestic violence develops permanent mental health or behavior problems. Research on recovery suggests that problematic outcomes are not always permanent.

Traumatic events that happen early in life may not be remembered in a conscious, articulatable way, but the body remembers. While young children who witness domestic violence cannot avoid being deeply affected, they can recover and heal with the guidance and support of other caring adults and professionals.

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