By Dr. Wendy Smith | When the abuser is a parent, the devastation multiplies.
PSYCHOLOGY TODAY (Dr. Wendy Smith) – August 19, 2025
KEY POINTS
- The less-than-fully developed executive functions of teenagers play a part in juvenile crime.
- The motivation for violent juvenile crime, especially within the family, is complex and interpersonal.
- Early occurring child abuse distorts the stress response system and perceptions of reality.
In June of this year, the Menendez brothers were re-sentenced to 50 years to life, making them immediately eligible for parole. Their re-sentencing was possible because of changes in the laws affecting “youthful offenders,” those who commit their crimes when they are under the age of 26. California, like many other states, now recognizes that key areas of the brain involved in judgment, decision-making, and the capacity to consider consequences of one’s actions do not develop fully until the mid- or late twenties.
The motivation for parricide (murder of a relative).
I have spent the past five years writing “Before Their Crimes: What We’re Misunderstanding About Childhood Trauma, Youth Crime, and the Path to Healing,” forthcoming in November. Though many people believe that the Menendez brothers killed their parents for the money, my experience interviewing former juvenile offenders taught me that what drives a young person to kill someone they know viciously always involves something deeper, even when money is in the picture. In this case, as in most cases when a juvenile kills their parent, it was sexual and emotional abuse that led to murder.
Their testimony at trial and that of others made it clear that they were subjected to sexual and physical abuse by their father from the age of 6, and in Erik’s case, for all the years until the murders. This kind of violation of a child’s body and mind is shattering; you cannot predict how or where the pieces will fall. When the abuser is your parent, the devastation multiplies. Home is no longer a safe place because you fear the person you love and want to trust. At 6 to 8 years of age, the hurtful things that are being done to you again and again are beyond your comprehension. The frightening reality the boys faced every day made it clear to them that they were powerless.
There is evidence that the boys told relatives and that their mother knew about the abuse, but she allowed it to continue. Their father, Jose, was a well-known and well-connected figure in Hollywood. Wealth and power can shield a person from scrutiny; we rarely suspect someone who appears to be a pillar of the community of sexually abusing his children. Jose Menendez’s outsized reputation only added to his sons’ view of him as an extraordinarily powerful man whose control over them was inescapable.
Early occurring child abuse dysregulates the stress response system.
The bloody, graphic images of the shotgun killings made the savagery of the crime all too real. The boys seemed to be vicious monsters. How could they do this? Part of the answer to that question is the way chronic abuse mangles a child’s ability to respond to stress. For most of us, the stress response system works reliably to alert us when danger threatens so that we can either deal with it or escape it—as in fight or flight. Erik and Lyle were continuously at risk of painful and humiliating violations, causing their stress response to be set off so frequently that it became unreliable, constantly alerting. It might be triggered by a look, a comment, or a sense that violence was imminent. Abuse could happen at a moment when their guard was momentarily down. There was no safety in their lives and no way to know when their father might victimize them. One way to respond to the constant presence of danger is to become paranoid, seeing deadly possibilities around every corner.
They became convinced that their father meant to kill them because they objected to the ongoing abuse of Erik. Both boys were rattled. It seemed not only plausible but certain that he could and would do this because they had crossed him. The teenage brain is different from the adult brain, with executive functions far from fully developed. At 18 and 21, the brothers’ ability to reason beyond the immediate perceived danger or to entertain alternative scenarios or consequences of their act was limited. They felt cornered, with only themselves for protection. They made a plan, and they bought guns. When your system is primed to respond to danger, a fire drill becomes a blazing fire, and you act to save yourself.
The shopping spree that the brothers engaged in after the murders was evidence to many that the motive was money. On the contrary, it is likely that in the days and weeks that followed, the impact of their disastrous actions began to sink in, and the guilt, loss, and fear of the future were overwhelming. Their excessive, ferocious spending offered distraction and soothing, in the same way that the use of substances can quell unmanageable feelings.
Parole hearings for the Menendez brothers will be held on August 21st and 22nd.
For more information, visit https://wendybsmithphd.net.